How Do You Explain Residential Schools to Your Child?
Written by Julie Diamond
~Julie is a certified teacher in British Columbia & Ontario and the Founder & CEO of Diamond Teachers Group, a Canada-based, teachers-only online tutoring company.
This Wednesday, September 30, is the National Day for Truth and Reconciliation in Canada. If your child is learning about residential schools at school, you may be wondering how to continue that conversation at home.
For many non-Indigenous families, this can feel like a difficult conversation to begin. You likely didn’t learn much about residential schools growing up, especially if you attended school before this became part of our history curriculum.
You may also worry about saying the wrong thing or not knowing enough to answer your child's questions. But you don't need to have all the answers.
A good place to start is by listening, learning from Indigenous Survivors and educators, and helping your child understand this history in an age-appropriate and respectful way.
The goal isn't to give your child every painful detail at once. It's to help them understand what happened, listen to Indigenous voices and begin to understand why learning the truth matters today.
Start With What Your Child Already Knows
Before explaining residential schools, ask your child what they've heard at school. You could ask what they learned about Orange Shirt Day or why September 30 is an important day.
This gives you a starting point. You may find that your child already understands quite a bit, or you may discover that they have some questions or misunderstandings. Listen to them first and then fill in any gaps.
Keep Your First Conversation Simple
You don't need to give your child a history lesson. For a younger child, you might explain that residential schools were schools where Indigenous children were taken away from their families. Many children were not allowed to speak their own language or practise their culture, and many were treated very badly. We learn about what happened so we can remember those children, listen to Survivors and work toward a better future.
Then let your child ask questions. You don't need to explain everything in one conversation.
Let Your Child’s Questions Guide the Conversation
Children can ask some pretty direct questions. They may ask why the children were taken, why they couldn't go home, why their parents couldn't stop it or why people allowed it to happen.
You may not have an immediate answer, and that's okay! You can tell your child that you're not sure and suggest that you learn about it together.
I actually think this is a valuable lesson for children. They don't need their parents to know everything. They need to see that it's okay to ask questions, research information, and keep learning.
Be Honest Without Sharing Too Much
It's important not to hide the truth from children, but younger children also don't need to hear every disturbing detail. Think about what your child is asking and what they are ready to understand.
With younger children, you can focus on:
Families being separated
Children being treated unfairly
Losing access to their language and culture
The importance of family, identity and belonging
Why we remember what happened
As children get older, you can introduce more of the history and talk about the experiences of Survivors, the role of the government and churches, the Truth and Reconciliation Commission and the ongoing impacts on Indigenous communities. The conversation can grow with your child.
Help Your Child Understand the Bigger Picture
This is an important one. When we talk about residential schools, children can easily come away thinking that Indigenous history is only about sadness, trauma and loss. But there is so much more to learn.
Indigenous peoples and cultures have a long history in Canada that existed long before residential schools and continues today. Look for opportunities to help your child learn about Indigenous authors, artists, languages, traditions, communities and accomplishments too.
Reading books by Indigenous authors is a great place to start. The National Centre for Truth and Reconciliation has educational resources that parents can explore with their children. They organized the resources into different ages and grade levels.
Talk About Why We Wear Orange
Your child may think Orange Shirt Day means wearing an orange shirt to school. It's a good opportunity to explain the meaning behind it. Your child may even be able to teach you if their teacher read them a book by Phyllis Webstad [see her book collection HERE]. Her book, The Orange Shirt Story tells the story of her as a young girl having her orange shirt taken away on her first day of residential school and she never saw it again. Phyllis has inspired people to honour residential school survivors and their families by wearing an orange shirt.
Then take it one step further. Ask your child what they think we can do besides wearing orange. This can help them understand that Truth and Reconciliation isn't just about one day or one shirt. It's also about learning, listening, showing respect and continuing the conversation.
Help Your Child Understand Why This History Still Matters
Children often think of history as something that happened hundreds of years ago. Residential schools are sadly much more recent than that. The last federally recognized residential school closed in 1996.
That can help children understand why we continue to talk about this history. You can explain that some of the people who went to residential schools are still alive today, which is one reason it is important to listen to their experiences and learn from them.
Give Your Child Space to Process What They Learn
Your child might feel sad. They might feel angry, confused, or have lots of questions. Or they might not have much of a reaction at all. There isn't one right way for a child to respond. Let them know they can talk to you.
You can remind them that sometimes learning about things that happened to other people can make us feel sad or angry, and that they can always come to you if they have questions or something is bothering them. You also don't have to force a long conversation. Sometimes children need time to process what they've learned.
You Don’t Have to Have All the Answers
As parents, we sometimes feel like we need to have the best answer before we start a difficult conversation with our children. You can say you don't know and learn it together.
You can listen and learn from each other. You can also admit when you get something wrong. You can also show your child that learning about difficult parts of our history is part of becoming a thoughtful, informed and respectful person.
That's a pretty valuable lesson in itself!