Why Does My Child Lack Confidence, and What Can I Do About It?
By Julie Diamond
Ontario & BC-certified teacher & Founder/CEO of Diamond Teachers Group
Maybe they hesitate to try new things. Maybe they give up quickly when something feels difficult. Perhaps they compare themselves to others and assume they're "not good at" sports, reading, math, art, or making friends.
Watching your child struggle with confidence can be heartbreaking. We want them to believe in themselves, take healthy risks, and feel capable of handling challenges.
The good news? Confidence isn't something children are born with. It's something they build.
And one of the best ways to build confidence is surprisingly simple:
Challenge your child to try something new.
Summer is the perfect time to do this.
Without the pressures of homework, tests, and packed school schedules, children have more opportunities to explore interests, develop new skills, and discover strengths they never knew they had.
Confidence Comes from Doing Hard Things
Many parents think confidence comes before success.
In reality, confidence usually comes after effort.
A child doesn't become confident and then learns to ride a bike. They learn to ride a bike by wobbling, falling, getting back up, and eventually succeeding. The confidence develops because they overcame the challenge.
The same is true for nearly every skill.
Children build confidence when they experience:
Trying something unfamiliar
Making mistakes
Practicing
Improving
Seeing their own progress
When we protect children from every challenge, we accidentally rob them of opportunities to discover what they're capable of.
This summer, consider encouraging your child to step outside their comfort zone and try something completely new.
Start Small
Trying something new doesn't have to mean signing up for an expensive camp or committing to a competitive program. Sometimes the smallest challenges create the biggest growth.
For example, your child could:
Learn a few songs on a musical instrument
Try a new sport
Start a garden
Learn basic photography
Bake a simple recipe
Learn a few words in another language (we have tutors who can help with that! Contact Us)
Build something with wood or recycled materials
Learn to knit, crochet, or sew
Create a comic book
Learn simple coding skills
The goal isn't mastery. The goal is exposure.
When children discover they can learn something they couldn't do before, their confidence grows naturally.
Borrow an Idea from Girl Guides
One of my favourite confidence-building strategies comes from Girl Guides and similar youth organizations. I’m a proud former Girl Guide/Pathfinder so I may be a little biased but I have very fond memories of my time with them.
They made learning fun by turning it into a challenge. Children earn badges as they complete new skills and activities. They gamified learning before gamifying learning was a thing!
Why does this work so well?
Because children can see their accomplishments. Every sticker or badge represents effort, perseverance, and growth. You can create your own version at home this summer.
Start with a poster board or chart and create a "Summer Skills Challenge."
Each time your child learns a new skill, they earn a sticker, stamp, badge, or checkmark.
Some challenge ideas might include:
Life Skills
Learn to sew on a button
Fold laundry independently
Organize a bedroom
Learn how to cook a meal. We started with teaching my stepson how to use the air fryer first before moving onto the oven or stove.
Use a knife safely in the kitchen.
Use a washing machine
Outdoor Skills
Learn how to build a campfire safely (with supervision)
Identify local plants or birds
Learn basic navigation skills
Cook a meal outdoors
Safety Skills
Learn basic first aid
Memorize important phone numbers
Learn what to do in an emergency
Practice bike safety
Learn water safety rules
Creative Skills
Paint a picture
Write a short story
Learn a magic trick
Create a craft project
Learn a dance routine
Learn how to do double dutch with skipping ropes
Community Skills
Volunteer for a local cause
Help a neighbour mow their lawn or bring in their recycling bins
Write a thank-you card
Participate in a community clean-up
Donate gently used toys or books
Children often become surprisingly motivated when their accomplishments are recognized in a visual and meaningful way.
Focus on Progress, Not Perfection
One of the biggest confidence killers is perfectionism.
Many children avoid trying new things because they're afraid they won't be good at them immediately. As adults, we know that learning takes time and involves making mistakes.
Children need reminders of this too. Instead of praising outcomes, praise effort.
Try saying:
"I noticed how hard you worked on that."
"You kept going even when it was difficult."
"You're improving every time you practice."
"That took courage to try."
When children learn that mistakes are part of the learning process, they become more willing to take risks. And risk-taking is where confidence grows.
Let Them Struggle a Little
As parents, our instinct is often to jump in and help. While support is important, confidence develops when children solve problems themselves. If your child is struggling with a new task, resist the urge to immediately take over.
Ask questions instead:
"What could you try next?"
"What's one small step you could take?"
"What have you already figured out?"
This approach helps children develop independence and resilience.
When they eventually solve the problem, they gain something much more valuable than a completed task: they gain belief in themselves.
Celebrate Courage
Sometimes children don't need recognition for success. They need recognition for trying.
Maybe your child joins a camp and feels nervous. Maybe they try a new activity and discover they don't actually enjoy it.
That's okay! The victory isn't always the outcome. Sometimes the victory is simply having the courage to show up. Celebrate the attempt. Celebrate the willingness to try. Celebrate the bravery it took to step outside their comfort zone.
These experiences teach children that they can handle uncertainty, which is an incredibly powerful confidence-building lesson.
The Confidence-Building Summer Challenge
If your child struggles with confidence, consider creating a family challenge this summer.
Encourage everyone, including adults, to learn something new.
Maybe one of you learns to garden. Maybe another person learns a new recipe. Maybe your child learns basic first aid or how to play a few songs on the ukulele.
We did this in our family last summer and my stepson’s confidence grew SO much. By the end of the summer he was adding challenges like learning how to build a campfire, how to SUP and kayak. It was lovely to see his face light up when he thought of another challenge to try!
When kids see adults embracing challenges, making mistakes, and learning alongside them, they receive an important message: Learning never stops. And nobody has to be perfect.
Confidence isn't built through constant praise or by avoiding challenges. It's built through experience. It's built through trying, struggling, learning, improving, and succeeding.
This summer, encourage your child to step outside their comfort zone and learn something new. Start small. Make it fun. Add stickers, badges, charts, or rewards if that motivates them.
Most importantly, focus on the process rather than the outcome.
You may be surprised to discover that the confidence your child has been searching for isn't found in being the best at something. It's found in realizing they can do hard things.
And that's a lesson that will benefit them long after summer ends.