How Do You Raise a Child Who Stands Against Bullying?

by Julie Diamond, OCT

Bullying remains a pervasive issue in schools and communities worldwide, affecting children emotionally, socially, and academically. As a parent, you have a pivotal role in shaping your child's attitudes and behaviours to prevent them from becoming a bully, a victim, or a passive bystander. This week marks Bullying Awareness and Prevention Week in schools across Canada, making it the perfect time to talk with your child about the dynamics of bullying and explore practical ways they can grow into supportive, compassionate contributors in their communities.

Understanding the Dynamics of Bullying

Before addressing solutions, it’s essential to recognize the different roles children may play in bullying situations:  

1. The Bully: A child who persistently intimidates or harms others, often to gain power or cope with their insecurities.  

2. The Victim: A child who is targeted, often due to perceived vulnerabilities.  

3. The Bystander: A child who witnesses bullying but does not intervene, either out of fear or indifference.  

The ultimate goal is to raise a child who embodies kindness and empathy, stands up for others, and seeks help when needed.

Step 1: Foster Empathy at Home

Empathy - the ability to understand and share another person’s feelings - is a crucial skill to prevent bullying behaviours.  

- Model Empathy: Let your child see you treating others with compassion. For example, discuss how a family member might be feeling after a bad day, and brainstorm ways to support them.  

- Discuss Emotions: Regularly talk about feelings and help your child label their emotions. Ask questions like, “How would you feel if someone said that to you?” when discussing conflicts. 

- Encourage Volunteering: Participating in acts of service, such as helping at a local food bank, helps children appreciate others’ experiences and develop compassion.  

Step 2: Build Confidence and Resilience

Confident children are less likely to bully or be bullied. They also feel empowered to stand up for what is right.  

- Praise Efforts, Not Just Outcomes: Celebrate persistence and growth, even when your child doesn’t succeed. This builds a strong sense of self-worth.  

- Encourage Healthy Risk-Taking: Trying new activities or hobbies helps children learn to handle challenges and setbacks.  

- Teach Problem-Solving Skills: When conflicts arise, guide your child to think through solutions. For example, role-play scenarios where they might need to respond to teasing.  

Step 3: Promote Respect and Inclusion

Children often bully others because of differences or perceived weaknesses. Teaching your child to respect diversity can counteract this behaviour.  

- Expose Them to Different Perspectives: Read books, watch movies, and have discussions about cultures, abilities, and family structures different from your own.  

- Challenge Stereotypes: If your child expresses bias, gently correct them and discuss the harm stereotypes can cause.  

- Encourage Inclusive Friendships: Help your child connect with peers from various backgrounds, emphasizing the value of diversity.  

Step 4: Address Bullying Behaviour Immediately

If your child shows signs of bullying others, it’s crucial to address the behaviour without shaming them.  

- Stay Calm: Reacting angrily can escalate the situation. Instead, approach the issue as an opportunity to teach.  

- Ask Questions: Try to understand the root cause of their behaviour. Are they feeling insecure or trying to fit in with a particular group?  

- Set Clear Consequences: Explain that bullying is unacceptable and outline the steps they’ll need to take to make amends, such as apologizing or participating in restorative justice practices.  

- Provide Support: Work with teachers, counselors, or a tutor to address underlying issues contributing to the behaviour.  

Step 5: Empower Victims of Bullying

If your child is being bullied, they need your support to regain their confidence and sense of safety.  

- Listen Without Judgment: Create a safe space for your child to share their experiences without fear of criticism.  

- Reinforce Their Worth: Remind them that bullying is not their fault and that they deserve to be treated with respect.  

- Teach Assertiveness: Role-play ways they can respond to bullying, such as using firm but calm language to say, “Stop. That’s not okay.”  

- Collaborate with the School: Work with teachers and administrators to address the issue, ensuring your child feels protected and heard.  

Step 6: Encourage Upstanding Behaviour

Bystanders have immense power to stop bullying. Encourage your child to be an upstander - someone who takes action to support victims.  

- Teach Safe Intervention: Discuss ways they can intervene safely, such as using humour to defuse a situation or redirecting the bully’s attention.  

- Practice Seeking Help: Assure your child that reporting bullying to an adult is not tattling but a responsible action to protect someone in need.  

- Highlight Positive Role Models: Share stories of individuals who stood up against injustice, reinforcing the idea that one person can make a difference.  

Step 7: Monitor Media Consumption

Media, including TV shows, video games, and social media, can influence how children perceive and interact with others.  

- Choose Positive Content: Encourage shows and books that promote kindness and teamwork.  

- Discuss Digital Etiquette: Teach your child about cyberbullying and the importance of respectful online behavior.  

- Set Boundaries: Limit screen time and monitor their online interactions to ensure they’re engaging positively.  

Red Flags to Watch For

Children may not always express their struggles directly. Be alert for signs that they may be involved in bullying—whether as the bully, victim, or bystander.  

- Signs of Being Bullied: Reluctance to go to school, changes in eating habits, or declining grades.  

- Signs of Bullying Others: Aggression toward siblings, frequent trouble at school, or a lack of empathy.  

- Signs of Bystanding: Talking about bullying incidents without taking action or expressing fear of retaliation.  

When to Seek Professional Help

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, bullying behaviours or experiences may persist. Don’t hesitate to involve professionals, such as:  

- School counselors  

- Child psychologists  

- Educational consultants  

These experts can provide tailored strategies to address the situation effectively.  

Raising a child who actively rejects bullying starts with intentional parenting and teaching. By fostering empathy, building confidence, and promoting respect, you can guide your child to stand up for themselves and others. Together, we can create a generation of compassionate, empowered individuals who contribute to a kinder, more inclusive world.